So it's me 'vomiting'

It really is complicated.... I thought I'd be more than happy... things were going quite well to be frank... but then I didn't feel one bit of delight... what would it be, except for the fact that my dear friend was rejected while I was accepted. This kinda bring the supposed-to-be-delightful atmosphere down... but what to do? Don't you feel your friend's gloomy feeling? Can you actually dance and laugh happily to that?

So... everything is about to change today. My timetable is going to be damn full, my free time, on the other hand, would be squeezed tighter. = = And the worst of all, I can no longer attend most classes together with my dear roommates(which one of them is the friend I mentioned above). Haiz... still think of applying for a double major is fun? Although I have passed both the test and the interview, I can't believe I don't quite feel what I supposed to be feeling... like... well you know... you've been working hard on one thing and then your hard work pays off and then you'd be "Wow the world is indeed a nice place" kind of feel.

NO! None of that exists in me right now~ Instead, I only feel lost. Dang, lost as in lost in the middle of everybody, not belong in any group of people. Is it because of the double major thing? Will it be better after a while? I'm confused and scared >.< How will I face all the new faces in the new classroom? Faces that none I recognize and not familiar with, and don't have a single friendliness in them(I suppose, lol)?

And I can't even spit this out to my roommates~~~ What would she think of this? Will this be me pouring salt on her scar? But who can I go to if not my roommates, the people closest to me in this unfamiliar place? Who can I talk to, if not those living in one same room with me?

But above all, is it me who have too many negative thoughts? Maybe her feeling isn't as deep as I thought it would be. Maybe she is fine.... or maybe she doesn't care that much?

Dang I am lost already... this time in my own thought. Can I stop being so sensitive and just live live naturally as it would go on? Oh oh yeah~ I should practise on that more often.

That's all~ tadaa~

Girls' Night

Having good times with my roommates~ oh yeah~ 4% alcohol is affecting my mind... hahaha... feeling a little bit blur right now... hmm... but chit-chatting with my girl friends definitely makes me feel good. Well, u know... 3 women in a room can talk about anything. Haha... that's all.. can't think of anything better to blog~ :P

又是這種夜裡

那個深深被刻在心上的人真的是無法被遺忘的。

時間久得我也忘了有多長，認識了如此遙遠的一個人。不能說『相遇』，因為我們根本沒見過面。對他的記憶，永遠都是那優美的文字，還有一張從來都不變的profile picture。

至今，依舊。

為什麼總在感性的夜回憶起關於他的點點滴滴？然後總要到一個荒廢已久的FB profile去看看那不會有動靜的地方。有時候情感這東西還真的挺麻煩的。無緣無故地，讓我面對著電腦掉數個小時的淚。無緣無故地，抽泣著，心痛著。

他就這樣離開了，從我的生命中。說好的『再見』呢？怎麼有些承諾無論如何就是兌現不了？不過是想要一點點，就那麼一點點關於他的消息。是天意弄人，還是我不配？

有時候也會埋怨的，可以不要忘了我嗎？
有時候也會貪心的，可以再讓我知道，多一點點嗎？
有時候當然也會難過的，為什麼就只有我，跟他如此的遙遠？

不理智的時候，甚至還會責怪msn為什麼要消失……和他的對話，我們曾經相識過的證據，就這樣不存在了，好像我們從來沒有相識過一樣。真的很討厭，這戲劇性的現實生活。

太久了，真的過太久了。偶爾也會好奇，是否還有人記得你，又是否還有人會不經意想起你，如我這般……然後感傷一夜。是否還有人因為你的消失而傷心難過？

看來我真的是個又傻又感情用事的女生。一句話、一個相關的人，都能夠勾起我對你的回憶，雖然只有那麼一點點……也許在這些感性的夜晚，我難過地想起你，流著淚入夢鄉，但在夢裡，我依然笑著看見你。

會么？

抑或，我因看見你而笑？