那些生活教會我們的事

生活本來就是一場灰色地帶的戰爭，沒有所謂的黑與白。也許多年前就懂得了這個道理，只是一直不肯承認，承認自己心裡老早就住著一個隨時爆發的惡性種子。

花費了多少時間的準備，讓自己終於肯坦誠面對自己的黑暗面。是經驗的累積，還是社會的險惡導致價值觀的逐漸扭曲？最終竟然是由渺小如火苗的事件讓自己清醒著提醒自己。

不要小看火苗，那是可以轉變成燎原大火的前身。

生活總會教會單純的孩子許多現實的想法，即使不是在社會上，而只是在猶如小社會般的大學校園內。生活會通過種種不同的方式通知甚至警告一個單純的孩子，是時候該長大了。這是個該面對現實的時間，當初的棉花糖記憶本就該停留在棉花糖的時空裡。

而那個時空，不是現在。

至此，我的生活教會了我不再執著於與他人的情感。這所謂的情感，其實也不過是在緣分到來時從陌生人變熟悉的朋友。在緣分離去後，這種情感要嘛淡化，要嘛破裂，始終不會永存。這是緣分的轉輪在作祟，並沒有值得特別珍重或惋惜的。

值得惋惜的，僅僅是在緣分完全逝去之前的那一段灰色時段。情感若有似無第存在著，像可緊握卻會輕易從指縫間溜走的某種東西。這段時間，最叫人心痛。不過不怕，一段緣分的逝去，會造就另一段緣分的到來，這是生命的原則。所以等這一段緣分真正完全離開自己時，心不會再痛，反而會敞開著迎來下一段緣分。那是個幸福等待的開始。之所以幸福，是因為它會帶來下一個邂逅，然後兩人又會從陌生到熟悉，從無到有。即使這份邂逅早晚都會結束，而再開啟另一段邂逅的門。

於是，生活又教會了我，世上並無永恆。那些相信永恆的人，也許是用枷鎖把緣分的轉輪鎖住了，又或者只是在他/她身上的轉輪還未到轉動的時候。這些人如此全心地愛與被愛著，卻不知枷鎖會破，而轉輪也會有轉動的一天。他們如此鬆懈地付出著情感，等到這一天來臨時，他們將會措手不及。

由於不想當個措手不及的人，我不會總是輕鬆地愛著。要時時提醒自己，再美好的感情終將會結束。唯有這樣，才能隨時防範著突如其來的變化。失去的時候，能夠將痛苦減到最低。

這也是生活用行動告訴我的事。

畢業有感

第四年了，大學。

也許距離畢業季的確還有一段時間，但穿上學士服的當下，免不了有種莫名的哀傷 + 淡淡的歡喜。

第四年了耶，我的大學生活。

雖然還無法結業（需要延畢當大五老人啦！），但是跟隨大家一起沉浸在這歡樂的氣氛感覺也挺不錯的。

第四年了，我要畢業了。

Say goodbye and say Hi～

我的高雄之旅

到台灣來都已3年多了。終於發現自己剩下的時間太少，想去的地方太多。於是，這次的雙十節連假，顧不得瘋傳說颱風來襲的消息抑或扁扁錢包的抗議，決定和朋友去高雄一趟。

說走就走的旅程，總不經意帶給人們的驚喜。

南部的天氣果然跟馬來西亞比較相似。即使台北已下大雨、台中已刮強風，高雄依舊晴空萬里，吹來的都是讓人心情愉快的涼風。

佛光山 - 佛陀紀念館

怎麼拍怎麼美的佛陀紀念館，雖然要背著重得跟什麼一樣的背包一直往上爬是一件非常艱難的事，但為了能夠更接近金身佛像，再辛苦的難關我們也願意咬著牙撐過去！路程中還有幸到佛教試婚禮禮堂去觀禮。覺得長知識啦～～～

下山後直接到鼓山渡輪站搭渡輪到旗津吃海鮮！

鼓山 - 旗津渡輪上

雖然只有短短的10幾分鐘，但能夠搭乘渡輪真是讓人無比興奮的一件事！

旗津的海產店真的不是一般的多，一整條街滿滿都是海鮮店/攤販。隨意走進一家，隨意點了自己心目中的海鮮，我們的午餐就這樣解決了。

旗津海鮮 - 忘了叫啥名字的lala

吃飽喝足後就繼續前往西子灣看傳說中美到爆的夕陽。

西子灣 - 打狗領事官邸

令人讚歎的太陽西下情景！心裡頓時有種莫名的惆悵，是離別帶來的不捨，還是不捨帶來的哀愁？心情之複雜，只有當下的我才懂。

結束這一次旅程，覺得真的要趁著青春多到幾個地方走走。短短的兩天一夜行程，讓我更愛旅行了。

One more list checked, many more to come~

感想

不知道該不該這樣說。

可是個人覺得這裡真的就是這麼一個地方。
網路上流行什麼說法，大家就堅持什麼說法。
萬一有個持相反意見的人跳出來說話，就要被群眾集體言語攻擊甚至凌辱。

在這個地方，
有想法的人心臟真的要夠強，或嘴巴要夠緊。
不然就準備被灞陵，或只能見風使舵了。

Dear Diary 2: Still the same problem

Dear diary, why I can't even quit the team? I mean... why care? Why bother how many people left or how will the team become once I leave... Wouldn't it be so much easier if I don't care anymore? Seriously wish I can have a switch to flip my humanity off. Right now!!!

Why must there always be a plot twist? Just when I thought I can leave once and for all, the damn interdepartmental cup stops me from doing so! Why must we take part in order to guarantee we can have the chance to draw for the court next year? Why create such law? Why they never thought of things like... we can't participate because our members are so few? Too few that we can't even form a proper team.

Furthermore, our hearts are not linked together. None of us. I think everybody is just tired of holding on to a fake dream, where we can still achieve our goals if we hang on to faith and determination. Seriously, FUCK the determination!!! FUCK all the so called hard work done to keep us together. We are NOT a team, why force us to be one?

Dear diary, I am feeling so stressed I don't even know how or to whom I can talk to. Guilt and troubles are overwhelming, I feel like I can't even breathe anymore.

No! No more talk about people and love and relation and whatsoever that links me to this place. I am so gonna leave, leave everything behind me!

After all, we are not seeing each other ever again! I AM GOING TO UNFRIEND EVERY ONE OF THEM ONCE ALL THESE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Diary 1:I am back

Dear Diary, Hi! I am finally back to you again. After all these times of strolling, looking for a better companion, I realized you are the one and only company I have ever needed. In fact, ever wanted.

People don't really understand the contradiction in me. The agony I face and the gratitude I own. I love everyone in my team but to manage the team with them, it is another thing. I don't feel like doing it and I don't like doing it at all. I wanna leave, I believe it is for my best, as well as theirs. Because I know we don't really get along with our different ways of doing things. I wanna leave so badly but I couldn't because they are short of one player right now! Being a person who owes  them so much, what will it make me if I walk away right now? What will I be like if I shut them off leaving all the troubles behind?

Yes, I whine! I have my own problems too! My double major is facing an end because of my carelessness. And my body can't afford doing another heavy sports anymore! I have my own things to worry about! And I am all alone! And I often feel hatred to the team recently. It is no longer like it used to be! I am so eager to leave that place and live my own happy life.

I am sick of playing deary and okay when I am not. I am sick of pretending nothing bad is going on between me and them(though I love them). And mother says to quit the team because of all these but I just couldn't open my mouth. How to say the thing out? I am tired, I wanna stop, I wanna stop acting like you guys do, I wanna stop putting my health on the edge just because of one stupid so-called dream. Everything that happens in this team makes me sick, yet I love the people in it. Damn I hate myself so much for being so sentimental.

Dear Diary, wish you could tell me what to do. Wish I can have the courage to solve this problem in a way that no one gets hurts or angry. I love myself. I wanna live my own life. I don't want to keep worrying about the same thing anymore.

Maybe it's time to let go. I've got to let go. Because I am just not that kind of person who is all strong mentally and physically to withstand all these. I mean, I am strong, but maybe just not in this way. Physical topic is always a deadly topic to me.

Buck up and be yourself. Be more steady this time. You have no one to please but yourself.