Bottleneck in My Study

Midterm has just finished and the worst day of my life begins. Getting a warning in my academic study for the first time doesn't really feel good. The second I saw the red words occurring on my monitor, I was so stunned that I did not know what to do. I didn't even know what to feel.

Damn, I burnt midnight oil for the first time in my uni life to study for this文字學, yet this is what I get in return. Failing in the midterm exams!!! Never in my life have I experienced such failure that could almost tore me apart. I did try hard (okay maybe not hard enough ==), but I did not do well.What the hell is wrong with my answers??? Haiz, I don't even get to know because the lecturer never plans to give us back our papers~~~ So how do I know my mistakes? Nevermind, let bygones be bygones. I'll just have to try harder in my finals to pass this subject (which I think I'll fail to do so too ==)

Hmm, in case nobody knows what 文字學 is about, I'll just do a brief explanation right here. It is about study of Chinese Words like 甲骨文 and 金文. Yep, another way of committing suicide. == But amateur like me has yet to reach that high level in the study, so I am still at 楷體 and 小篆 part, which is the words we are using nowadays and the latest ancient words used by our ancestors respectively. (小篆 becomes the words used officially during Dynasty Qin.)

I am already having headache just mentioning the categories of the words. ==

Tadaa~~~ a little bit of my 'artwork'

Although I kinda like this kind of study, the fact that I have to sit for exams for such thing is killing me. I really can't stand memorizing the words for one whole night but still can't write it properly the next morning. That's called stupidity, for me. == How can I not remember all the details for only so few words : which lines should touch each other and so on.

Maybe I'm just not talented enough in doing words studies. Haha~but since this is a compulsory subject, I still have to suck it up (after grieving for my pathetic results) and pass it no matter how!!! C'mon, just a 'pass' would be enough nowadays. Haha.

So it's me 'vomiting'

It really is complicated.... I thought I'd be more than happy... things were going quite well to be frank... but then I didn't feel one bit of delight... what would it be, except for the fact that my dear friend was rejected while I was accepted. This kinda bring the supposed-to-be-delightful atmosphere down... but what to do? Don't you feel your friend's gloomy feeling? Can you actually dance and laugh happily to that?

So... everything is about to change today. My timetable is going to be damn full, my free time, on the other hand, would be squeezed tighter. = = And the worst of all, I can no longer attend most classes together with my dear roommates(which one of them is the friend I mentioned above). Haiz... still think of applying for a double major is fun? Although I have passed both the test and the interview, I can't believe I don't quite feel what I supposed to be feeling... like... well you know... you've been working hard on one thing and then your hard work pays off and then you'd be "Wow the world is indeed a nice place" kind of feel.

NO! None of that exists in me right now~ Instead, I only feel lost. Dang, lost as in lost in the middle of everybody, not belong in any group of people. Is it because of the double major thing? Will it be better after a while? I'm confused and scared >.< How will I face all the new faces in the new classroom? Faces that none I recognize and not familiar with, and don't have a single friendliness in them(I suppose, lol)?

And I can't even spit this out to my roommates~~~ What would she think of this? Will this be me pouring salt on her scar? But who can I go to if not my roommates, the people closest to me in this unfamiliar place? Who can I talk to, if not those living in one same room with me?

But above all, is it me who have too many negative thoughts? Maybe her feeling isn't as deep as I thought it would be. Maybe she is fine.... or maybe she doesn't care that much?

Dang I am lost already... this time in my own thought. Can I stop being so sensitive and just live live naturally as it would go on? Oh oh yeah~ I should practise on that more often.

That's all~ tadaa~

Girls' Night

Having good times with my roommates~ oh yeah~ 4% alcohol is affecting my mind... hahaha... feeling a little bit blur right now... hmm... but chit-chatting with my girl friends definitely makes me feel good. Well, u know... 3 women in a room can talk about anything. Haha... that's all.. can't think of anything better to blog~ :P